Author Topic: CSSA Hall Of Famer: Jessica Alba  (Read 5188 times)


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CSSA Hall Of Famer: Jessica Alba
« on: July 18, 2006, 08:37:28 pm »
Only one person here can give her the induction she deserves. Over to you, Booch:




Seeing those words after "Jessica Alba" in this day and age is like seeing the words "incompetent hack" in front of Michaelangelo.  It's ironic that an actress inducted into this group and widely regarded as one of the best-looking on the face of the planet spent her youth preaching the gospel, recovering from maladies ranging from cysts to collapsed lungs that nurses knew her better than her obstenible classmates.

But as she got older, her body confirmed to her male Christian friends that there was in fact a God and that there were certain parts of their anatomy that were going to be forever owned by Lucifer himself.  Once she decided to fully act, she soon found herself kidnapped.  (Some may say someone should've gone back for her before Honey got out, but this is an induction speech and not a roast.)  True Albaphiles know the progressive order as her star began to ascend into stratospheric: high school Barbie and sycophant, sweet girl next door trying to avoid victimization at the hands of a...well, hand, super soldier of a post apocalyptic future who thank God went into heat every time sweeps came around, dance teacher out to better her community, Invisible Woman, and some other role which is forgotten because few have watched her slow-motion gyrating in Sin City and stayed conscious for the entirety of it.

The induction of Jessica Alba is as well-deserved as it is symbolic.  In a line where the lines of old consistently get blown away by the 21st century's advances, we salute a woman who loves her hybrid as much as barbecue, who's innocent girl smile is offset by the body of a grown woman, whose love of the Raiders still doesn't keep her from making children's clothes, and whose all-American ethos came out of the ethnic parental gumbo of Mexican/Dutch/French/English/Italian.   Who knew in her youth she was going to go from hospital hallways and isolation to red carpets and idolation?

Skinny little Jessica Alba.

She grew up.

She filled out.

And today, she joins the first class of the C-S-S-A's Hall of Fame.
« Last Edit: July 18, 2006, 08:55:39 pm by Victor »
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