Author Topic: Latest Update: Praise And Feedback 2014  (Read 11239 times)

DrBlasphemy

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Latest Update: Praise And Feedback 2014
« on: January 01, 2014, 03:12:45 am »
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DanielO

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Re: Latest Update: Praise And Feedback 2014
« Reply #1 on: January 09, 2014, 06:39:27 pm »
I'm always glad to see a new chapter of Hellcats: Season 2, especially since you're working you're way slowly but surely to the inevitable (I hope) Marti/Savannah pairing. Great job on the inevitable Marti/Alice grudgefuck.

And, though she isn't listed in the credits, am I right in assuming that sex-researcher Brenda is being played by Brenda Song? (loved the Phil Lewis as Mr. Moseby joke!)
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InThe313

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Re: Latest Update: Praise And Feedback 2014
« Reply #2 on: January 09, 2014, 07:18:09 pm »
I'm always glad to see a new chapter of Hellcats: Season 2, especially since you're working you're way slowly but surely to the inevitable (I hope) Marti/Savannah pairing. Great job on the inevitable Marti/Alice grudgefuck.

And, though she isn't listed in the credits, am I right in assuming that sex-researcher Brenda is being played by Brenda Song? (loved the Phil Lewis as Mr. Moseby joke!)
First off, Daniel, thank you so much for the positive review.  I am not exaggerating one bit when I say you made my day.  You can't remove the smile from my face tonight no matter what you do.

We had a ton of fun writing this episode, especially the Marti/Alice scene.  When you write a scene with two women who work as well together as fire and ice, it's really exciting to combine their two clashing characteristics into one moment of passion.  And I won't confirm anything about Marti and Savannah, nor will I deny anything.  You have to stay tuned for the answers as to where we are going.

As for Brenda Wu, the sex researcher, yes, she is indeed being portrayed by Brenda Song.  I don't know how that didn't get noticed in the final edit, but somehow, it slipped past me.  And yeah, we just had to put Phil Lewis in as Mr. Moseby.  It only seemed natural he'd somehow wind up in the same place as London Tipton and Maddie Fitzpatrick, didn't it?

Anyways, on behalf of myself and TRL, thank you so much for the glowing review and brace yourself because it is going to be even more fun from here.
Party rock is in the house tonight
Everybody just have a good time (yeah)
And we gon' make you lose your mind (woo)
Everybody just have a good time (clap)
Party rock is in the house tonight (oh)
Everybody just have a good time (I can feel it baby)
And we gon' make you lose your mind (yeaH)

TRL

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Re: Latest Update: Praise And Feedback 2014
« Reply #3 on: January 09, 2014, 09:14:41 pm »
And, though she isn't listed in the credits, am I right in assuming that sex-researcher Brenda is being played by Brenda Song?

Yeah, I totally dropped the ball on that one - checked through the whole story, didn't even glance at the cast list until halfway through writing the NEXT chapter, and that's when I noticed it - well after the whole thing was already submitted. Good to know our less-than-subtle naming system doesn't make these characters too secret. ;)
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Evil

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Re: Latest Update: Praise And Feedback 2014
« Reply #4 on: January 10, 2014, 03:40:31 pm »
I was thinking Brenda "Wu" would somehow manage to get involved with at least one of the Hellcats. My personal favorite parts of the recent episode was Molly and Natalie and their super appropriate teacher / student relationship.

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Cosmo Kramer

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Re: Latest Update: Praise And Feedback 2014
« Reply #5 on: January 10, 2014, 04:55:31 pm »
I too was a fan of the Natalie/Molly stuff, hope there's much more of that.  And I do hope you follow up on that text Natalie sent about "owning" Molly's ass, because that totally needs to happen (and don't forget about the Redhead Rule when it does ;)).
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InThe313

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Re: Latest Update: Praise And Feedback 2014
« Reply #6 on: January 10, 2014, 10:14:09 pm »
Oh, Evil and Cosmo, you guys are way too kind to us.  Thanks so much.  And believe me, you haven't seen the last of Molly and Natalie by a long shot.  Or ATM with any of the women in this series.   ;D
Party rock is in the house tonight
Everybody just have a good time (yeah)
And we gon' make you lose your mind (woo)
Everybody just have a good time (clap)
Party rock is in the house tonight (oh)
Everybody just have a good time (I can feel it baby)
And we gon' make you lose your mind (yeaH)

DanielO

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Re: Latest Update: Praise And Feedback 2014
« Reply #7 on: January 11, 2014, 07:57:04 am »
I'm always glad to see a new chapter of Hellcats: Season 2, especially since you're working you're way slowly but surely to the inevitable (I hope) Marti/Savannah pairing. Great job on the inevitable Marti/Alice grudgefuck.

And, though she isn't listed in the credits, am I right in assuming that sex-researcher Brenda is being played by Brenda Song? (loved the Phil Lewis as Mr. Moseby joke!)
First off, Daniel, thank you so much for the positive review.  I am not exaggerating one bit when I say you made my day.  You can't remove the smile from my face tonight no matter what you do.

We had a ton of fun writing this episode, especially the Marti/Alice scene.  When you write a scene with two women who work as well together as fire and ice, it's really exciting to combine their two clashing characteristics into one moment of passion.  And I won't confirm anything about Marti and Savannah, nor will I deny anything.  You have to stay tuned for the answers as to where we are going.

Oh, no need to give anything away, that would ruin it. But as a confirmed Savarti and mushy romantic, I do have my hopes. And I always have my own fic and MTL's great "Saving Savannah" to console me.  :)

Quote
As for Brenda Wu, the sex researcher, yes, she is indeed being portrayed by Brenda Song.  I don't know how that didn't get noticed in the final edit, but somehow, it slipped past me.  And yeah, we just had to put Phil Lewis in as Mr. Moseby.  It only seemed natural he'd somehow wind up in the same place as London Tipton and Maddie Fitzpatrick, didn't it?

Quote from: Evil
I was thinking Brenda "Wu" would somehow manage to get involved with at least one of the Hellcats.

Seeing as Brenda Song also played Aly Michalka's best friend (everyone remember "Phil of the Future?"), I like the idea of her somehow being involved with putting Ashley and Aly (Maddie and Keeley? Savannah and Marti? Whatever!) together. (Interpert "being involved" however you'd like.  ;D )

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Pinky: I think so Brain, but if Jimmy cracks corn, and no one cares, why does he keep doing it?

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Re: Latest Update: Praise And Feedback 2014
« Reply #8 on: January 11, 2014, 03:01:10 pm »
Don't often make a request for attention but since my Resident Evil/Zombieland crossover is my first attempt at a nonsex story (as stated, worry not the sex will be present in the sequels) I'd like input if anyone reads it.
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InThe313

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Re: Latest Update: Praise And Feedback 2014
« Reply #9 on: January 11, 2014, 07:23:51 pm »
Quote
As for Brenda Wu, the sex researcher, yes, she is indeed being portrayed by Brenda Song.  I don't know how that didn't get noticed in the final edit, but somehow, it slipped past me.  And yeah, we just had to put Phil Lewis in as Mr. Moseby.  It only seemed natural he'd somehow wind up in the same place as London Tipton and Maddie Fitzpatrick, didn't it?

Quote from: Evil
I was thinking Brenda "Wu" would somehow manage to get involved with at least one of the Hellcats.

Seeing as Brenda Song also played Aly Michalka's best friend (everyone remember "Phil of the Future?"), I like the idea of her somehow being involved with putting Ashley and Aly (Maddie and Keeley? Savannah and Marti? Whatever!) together. (Interpert "being involved" however you'd like.  ;D )
I never saw "Phil of the Future", but I know of it.  And let me just say that TRL and I took that show into mind when we planned this out and leave it at that.   ;D
Party rock is in the house tonight
Everybody just have a good time (yeah)
And we gon' make you lose your mind (woo)
Everybody just have a good time (clap)
Party rock is in the house tonight (oh)
Everybody just have a good time (I can feel it baby)
And we gon' make you lose your mind (yeaH)

LL

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Re: Latest Update: Praise And Feedback 2014
« Reply #10 on: January 16, 2014, 12:33:25 pm »
Don't often make a request for attention but since my Resident Evil/Zombieland crossover is my first attempt at a nonsex story (as stated, worry not the sex will be present in the sequels) I'd like input if anyone reads it.

I don't know either Resident Evil or Zombieland, but as it was short I thought I'd take a look

It's not a bad intro, the writing is fine (though there's a fair few typos - but I'm sure I'm the same). However it doesn't really grab...

I'm not against chapters with no-sex, but I think there needs to be either enough early on or a stronger lead in to keep you interested and come back to a future chapter and this doesn't. Given how short it is (around 15-1600 words or so) I think you'd probably have been better making it longer and including some sex.

Just Plain Tricky

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Re: Latest Update: Praise And Feedback 2014
« Reply #11 on: January 17, 2014, 12:22:59 pm »
Thank you for the constructive criticism.  I think you would have liked it better if you were more familiar with Zombieland and reccomend the movie on it's own merits as well.
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JayDee

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Re: Latest Update: Praise And Feedback 2014
« Reply #12 on: January 18, 2014, 06:13:07 am »
I liked Zombieland, never saw RE2 (Played the game years ago when it came out, I guess the movie was different!) and I actually had some minutes spare so I read the story and have some feedback.

So, positives:
Characters seem pretty close to the movie besides the incest vibe (which is understandable on a meta level with the story turning to sex later on), with the cautiousness and scamming and skill sets.  The plot follows through with cause and effect and no obvious holes. The violence is quite punchy and well described - realistic, not over the top. Finding Chick tracts is always horrific, so that works for a story based on a horror franchise too. The foreshadowing of the hog of the woman is kinda funny too. Even though it was short, I'd half forgotten the line about the fat woman living there, and then she shows up with a shotgun. Nice! The dialogue seemed to flow pretty well as well, generally realistic or in keeping with the film characters.


Neither positive nor negative:
The length thing - This is very much down to a style of author and writing. You get some authors who are sparse as fuck (to use the correct literary criticism term) and don't take a lot of time to describe things, and then you get one of those doorstopper authors with 300 pages to describe someone eating a piece of toast, or the lay out of a sitting room. Write what you're comfortable with! I tend to think sex scenes, when aimed at getting a reader off, should have enough details to get them through it but it's not the same with non sex.

Negatives:
Since you're after proper input and constructive criticism, I'll put this out here too. I separated them out so if one of the moderation team feels it doesn't belong with the ethos of the forums it's easy to delete and leave the positive stuff.

The typos and spelling errors are a lot more distracting in a non sex story than in a sex story. I guess it is similar to how a porno maybe has a lot lower budget but you don't mind that there isn't slick presentation and high quality acting, because Ryan Rose and Connor Maguire are 69ing on the couch. I know it can be a pain in the ass to get right, because us amateurs don't have a proper editorial team to fix that shit so we will always have some errors (I know I do!), but it can help to run things through one of the free spellcheckers out there and re-read a couple times. For example:

"on top of tthe station next to its broadcast tower which it was almost as big as. "

A spellcheck would have got the tthe, while a re-read would have left the end of the sentence with an "it" or a simile, or however you were going to end that.

Could've used a real title as well. Resident Evil 2/Zombieland: Part 1 sounds like it's a treatment being pitched to one of those Studio Greenlight guys who fear anything different. "Ok, ok, you didn't like Smurfs/Aliens, but wait 'til you get a load of this!" I think the porno comparison applies again. You can just go "Big Black Cocks Vol 12" with a porno because the sex fetish is all folks want from it, but a non sex story you're getting into artistic endeavour territory :) 

That's me out of time. Good luck with the rest of the story and your future non sex stuff.

LL

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Re: Latest Update: Praise And Feedback 2014
« Reply #13 on: April 13, 2014, 05:42:43 am »
Big Bang Theory - Penny is a Star - Shaggy77 You can't go wrong with Penny having sex with multiple partners  in a porn shoot. Not much plot, but the sex is well realised and not stinted on. Apart from Penny the others seem a bit interchangeable, robots with dicks and titsB+

Big Bang Theory: Penny Is Leia  - Shaggy77 This time Penny has group sex with the geeks whilst dressed as Leia (honestly is there a guy who hasn't fancied Leia as a slavegirl - I've never met one). Again plenty of sex, and the characters are bit better realised than above (probably because there's more than just Penny from the show) A-

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Re: Latest Update: Praise And Feedback 2014
« Reply #14 on: April 13, 2014, 07:38:49 am »
(honestly is there a guy who hasn't fancied Leia as a slavegirl - I've never met one).
I am that guy or at least I used to be.  Never found Carrie Fisher hot, even dressed in slave drag.  However a certain webcomic I can't mention which uses stills of the movies has given me a new appreciation for her.
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